The Balancing Act

"So how do you manage?" Hopefully (in any case, I'm convinced!) when my friends & colleagues ask me this, they're referring to how I stay super-positive (read sane) amidst managing two toddlers*, an entrepreneur hubby, living with the in-laws, spending time with my family, staying in touch with friends, while successfully & ambitiously pursuing a career in an area I am quite passionate about, trying to stay fit- running a few 10-k a year, reading & traveling a bit, and of course, staying abreast with the latest (useless yet priceless, masala-filled) debates & updates on social media – I mean how can I miss out on how my friend, her brother and her ex-boyfriend & his cousin feel about how amicable Farhan Akhtar's divorce is! ;-)

*For those new to this word - it includes caring, cleaning, teaching, cooking, entertaining, disciplining & a myriad other things- basically, ticking off from a never-ending list of activities that keeps you busy all your waking moments - and at many times, your sleeping/ semi-awake hours too!

Well, the exact answer depends on what time of the day and of course, the day you ask me! ;-)

There are days when I turn up at work after a morning that looks a lot like this.. Disturbed sleep followed by a full-fledged assault on items in the kitchen (read cooking & packing breakfast, lunch & evening snacks for the kids.. phew!).. A warm-up session running behind Child#1 and (in front of) the earlier-than-usual departing school bus (Thanks to my super-sensible & cooperative doll who has decided to take it slow this morning).. Despite the growling & snarling from the bus driver & the infamous 'bai aunty', I somehow run the planned 3.5-k run (more so to restore sanity!), only to be greeted by a bawling (an otherwise happy-go-lucky & helpful) Child #2 refusing to want to go to the day care cos "he doesn't feel like going to school today".. The maid has decided not to turn up, while the hubby is on a client call for a good part of the morning – That leaves me convincing, and eventually lugging an obstinate toddler and the insane number of not-so-light bags into the car.. AND then the infamous Whitefield traffic attacks that last bit of life left in me! Aha.. what a start!

The response on one such day would be.. I'm actually related to SUPERMAN! Or actually, it's the high from the banned substance I inhaled this morning.. YES, that's the only way I could've managed today and everyday of my life with a smile.. ;-)

Of course there are days like these too.. An early start & a refreshing session of power yoga/ run to be surprised by the hubby taking over cooking along with MIL! The children wake up with beaming smiles & you take the designated half hour to get them ready.. The maid turns up on time.. The school bus gets slightly delayed (YAYYY).. Toddler#2 gets excited about the clothes he is wearing / the toy you brought him last weekend & wants to show it off to his best friend at day care and even puts on his shoes (Wow, is this really happening to me!?).. AND others in the city have endlessly snoozed their alarm clocks and/or have decided to car pool (WOOHOO.. The immense joy of reaching a destination in Bangalore in the actual estimated time, I tell you!) You're greeted at work with an appreciation (read no objection) email from the manager on the deliverable you sent in last night - the team too is convinced & we're finally moving forward with project implementation! My response on one such day would then be, "It's beautiful actually... I know it seems overwhelming, but it's actually not so difficult at all.. In fact, this is the happiest/ best phase in my life.. You should actually plan at least two children, if you plan to have, that is.. blah blah blah"..

P.S. This is my usual reaction, and while it is safe to assume that the hubby has cooked my lunch, it may not be true! :D

On a serious note, it's all about finding that balance – within and around you. Prioritizing what's important and how much it means to me helps me determine the time and effort I wish to expend on the activity/ issue. It also helps me filter out the noise thus making me far more capable to handle the important people & situations in the current phase of my life.. Couple things (may sound clichéd) that I keep repeating to myself include:

• It's NEVER going to be Perfect (no matter how hard I try) - Neither your day, nor the multiple things you attempt through the day, be it at work or at home, may turn out perfect.. What's entirely in your control though, is to give each of it your BEST and do this as much & as often as you can! For instance, there are days when you strike off only 4 of the 10-odd things you wanted to get done.. AND it's actually perfectly alright! Cheer yourself for doing justice to those 4 things rather than berating yourself over the 6 things you didn't achieve!
• Get over the guilt (frankly, I'm still on the journey and I'll tell you if I ever reach the destination) – As parents (esp. mothers), we feel guilty about almost everything. If there's one thing we could learn from children & remember it, it would be how beautifully they adapt to the situation, no matter what.. For instance, there are days when I'm late in picking up the children from day care after work. I apologize profusely only to hear, "It's okay Amma, I was really enjoying playing with my friend.. I didn't miss you that much.. You come early tomorrow, okay?" and that's as comforting as it can get! (P.S. Don't take this liberty too often, for the fine the crèche charges, may exceed the actual monthly fee!)
• The glass is half-FULL – Rather than think about how much better things could've been, be grateful about the fact that life is as good as it actually is. And for this, it's important to surround yourself with people that are positive, energetic and talk encouraging stuff.. Avoid people with a negative bent of mind/ those that constantly criticize you/ your ways of life, and half your battle is won!

A few other things that come handy are planning in advance and staying with those plans, as painful as that might be (by the way, you get called boring/ inflexible/ a potential candidate for OCD, etc. and you need the grit to ignore it, unless of course you too think it's true!) and learning to say a firm NO - be it to an evening of socialization, catching up on that favorite TV series or the temptation to stay back at work (unless it's planned or critical of course!).. Last but not the least, what also helps me is something that I define as 'being a true Bombayite' – always being on the run (quite literally) – at times, a tad ahead of the plan - and bouncing back with a never-say-die attitude! In short, when you're clear about where you're headed and stay on track, you'll be able to stave off all/ most of the negativity around you. And here's where Paulo Coelho's famous statement, "When you want something really badly, the whole universe conspires to make it happen for you" comes true.

Personally, most not-so-great days have had some silver lining – a beautiful milestone achieved by the kids and/or an interesting episode at home or at work.. And when that doesn't seem to be anywhere in the radar, I still have the luxury to end the day early, by simply moving forward the usual bed time by at least quarter of an hour – And neither the kids, nor anyone else has a say in this.. ;-)

Stay happy, stay balanced :-)