On this Father’s Day (and all other days)

As a hands-on mommy of two, I can now relate to a phrase that my dad used – “You will NOT understand what a father goes through until you have a child of your own”. He’s used this on me on very few occasions. yet this sentence left a profound impact on me! I’d “get it from him” if 

• I miss a call from him as I drove on the highway as a 20-25-year old (even now, frankly!) 

• I did not turn up at the time I’d said I would, from work and/or from social outing beyond 9 p.m.

• I was late to our planned time for MSN chat when I went to college in the US as an 18-year-old*

*Those were the days when 10-year olds weren’t gifted an iPhone for their birthdays! Circa 2001, a bestie (across the hall) and I shared a landline, and if the phone rang twice and she didn’t pick up, I’d rushhhh from my room to pick up the call before the last ring cos it could mommy / daddy calling to speak to me (God forbid, it was some “news” about any of my grandparents / family members!)

The joy of becoming a parent is inexplicable, and unparalleled to any other feeling in the world… It’s truly transformational in the real sense – there’s an increased obligation when you meet someone is now completely and wholly dependent on you physically, financially and for their emotional growth and well-being!

Your moral compass improves, by notches! So many times we find ourselves STOPPING from saying and doing what comes as an instinct / naturally cos #They’reWatchingAndLearningFromUs. And that’s what I’ve done as a child – I watched my daddy and learnt from him – and I continue to do so (even as a 40-year old!)…

A wonderful human and a man far liberal in his thoughts and actions for someone born in early 1960s, my daddy is unlike any typical Indian / Iyer appa! Through his words and actions, to this day, I continue to learn that –

• A girl and a boy are different physically yet they need to be raised and treated EXACTLY the same way, by the parents and frankly even by the world! He sowed the 1st lessons in #Equity when he

✓ Enrolled Kartik and me to Karate classes (despite my protests that I was the ONLY girl and the boys regularly beat the skinny-me at the weekly ‘fight’!),

✓ Created the exact same amount of college fund for my brother and me, and insisted that we get our Master’s degree(s)

✓ Helped us buy our 1st car when we learnt to drive like good citizens, 

✓ Accepted whole-heartedly the person we were in love with, and helped us get married (much to the chagrin of the extended family in one of the cases)…

• A sense of purpose is what gets you UP every morning without snoozing the alarm clock! “An early bird gets its prey” is his favorite phrase, followed by “a person that forgets to do up the bed neatly, may not achieve much through the day!”

• With his army-like discipline when it comes to his work ethics, meal-times (and bed time!) as well as NEVER standing up anyone at the said meeting time (even if he has to wade through 2 hours of Bangalore traffic!), he is impeccably respectful of his as well as others’ time – A resource he’s taught us, one can only LOSE, never gain if you ever waste!

• You earn respect when you respect one and all around you. It’s not your behavior toward the haves, but your treatment of the ‘have-nots’ that shows your true character! It’s not what you say when you’re in a jolly mood, but when you’re in the dumps that is a reflection of the person you truly are!

• Everyone must have the freedom to choose what they wear, eat, drink, practice their religious, political and ideological beliefs – Acceptance (not tolerance, but absolute acceptance) of this Diversity is what makes the world a beautiful and interesting place! “As long as you’re NOT harming someone else for your selfish needs, go ahead and be yourself” he’s maintained ever since I can remember!

• It’s critical to teach a child to decide the right from the wrong.. the “need” from the “want”… the good from the not-so-good. I remember as a 6th grader, I wanted his help to choose the right math project at 9 p.m. after he returned from work so he could write it down and sign on my school diary as the teacher asked us to get our parents to do! Instead I was summoned to get a full-scape paper and write down the pros and cons of choosing Project A over Project B! I was irritable and thought he was pushing his “job” as a parent on me rather than letting me get to bed! Yet the 2*2-matrix continued its way through my choice of junior college, college, B-School, even whether I wanted to marry before/ after my MBA.. Even today, it’s a WMD I use when at cross-roads on important career and financial decisions – it even serves a role on what place to vacation as a family!

• Money can buy you riches and comfort, it cannot buy you Class – So be humble & graceful, and never behave like a Jerk! Listen, more than you talk! Choose the right friends – You will be identified by the company you keep!

• It’s important to have a GOOD laugh at least once a day, especially as you end the day! His uncanny humour pulling a prank at the unwitting employee at the cash-counter of the local grocery store and dragging old folks at family functions to dance, and making his grandchildren soaking wet with the water hose when they’re busy ‘gardening’ and his laughter echoing for minutes after, is what makes him an adorable man!

And, the most important lesson - Always respect and never, ever ill-treat your parents, esp as they age - just in case you forgot, you’re alive cos of them! Get over the fact that they aren’t your version of perfect parents and stop blaming them for everything that’s not right about your life - Look into the mirror, buddy and the naked truth will stare back at you - You screwed up, it wasn’t all them! So practice gratitude toward them, rather than evening out century-long feuds! They clapped the loudest when you were placed 3rd out of 5 runners in the lemon-and-spoon race, cried the most out of joy and pride when you graduated..  recount those memories and share a hearty laugh :) And in case they’re financially dependent on you, remember the time(s), they broke the earthen piggy-bank, cut down on the family’s food ration and/or borrowed money to get you the fancy cycle or the woodland shoes you couldn’t take your eyes off or the fresh pair of uniforms every year before school began!

If only every woman had a daddy like mine, they’d know – 

✓ Sky is the limit, DREAM ON, soar higher - You’re as much an eagle as your brother!

✓ Dress right for the occasion – If someone’s staring, it’s him / her who has issues, not your dress / skirt / salwar / saree!

✓ Draw the line on what’s okay and what’s NOT – Walk out if you must, yet do NOT let someone get an upper hand, just cos of their gender, financial status, political power, or whatever it is that is getting them to not accept you as their equal!

✓ It’s NEVER going to be easy, yet when you turn back, you can proudly state “you did your best, and what a fabulous inning / run that was!”

If every man had a daddy like mine, they’d know – 

✓ Only insecure people have to prove themselves – So stop convincing others “who’s the man”, ‘Who’s the boss”, or whatever insecurity that’s initiating your bad behavior(s) - get convinced so we all “see it” to believe it

✓ It’s okay when a lady driver overtakes you on the road – She’s perhaps late to her meeting cos her 3-year old threw up just as she was getting out-of-the-door OR she generally likes to drive fast!! So sorry that she ended up tickling your big, fat male EGO, she certainly didn’t mean to! :D

✓ It’s NOT the loudness in your voice, but the kindness in your words that makes you the ‘leader’within your family and among team(s) at work – Give empathy a fair chance, and watch the smile you put on people’s faces!

✓ And many more lessons that he continues to teach the men & boys in the family so the women and girls are treated on-par, in fact even better!

So today, and everyday, I am grateful for this wonderful person I got lucky with and get to call MY DAD! Thanks for getting parenting right by instilling the right mindset in us!

And so, I say - You’ve raised the bar high for every man, for every dad around you… 

For his daughter / son is #WatchingHisActions and #LearningTheRightFromTheWrong - Happy Father’s Day, y’all!!